Monday, May 21, 2012
live like an enlightened journey without a goal
namo gurubhya
namo buddhaya
namo dharmaya
namo sanghaya
Dear Buddha, please take me to your pure land. May I gain courage, wisdom and compassion to create my own pure land and able to benefit all other sentient beings too, everyday.
I had lived so meaninglessly today. Instead of doing my assignment, I spent my time checking up on my boyfriend. I felt that my mind is being weighed down by so much negativities and almost going to blow up and lose it because my emotions just got very controllable.
I know very well that I have to solve my emotional problem myself because he has no time to bother with my issues and whining to the girls just makes me feel like a little bitch even though there is a temporal relief effect to that.
I have learnt to absorb the shit I’ve created by myself if not it’s going to affect the people around me. Anyway I have to stop depending on others if I want to be a leader (when I’ve just started getting used to rely on him… oh well..but I’ll have to transform my attitude to keep up with changes)
Smile Evina 
8:04 PM
Sunday, May 20, 2012
一个人崩溃
不知道这是什么心情。自己也变了像一个哭包，却不知从何可以找到安慰。最想要依赖的人又不在身边。我什么都不想做，只想大哭一场， 却觉得自己又懦弱又狼狈。
9:31 PM
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Be happy
I feel so sick and damned now. It’s funny to see the extent of how words of one can weigh so much on your heart, as if that is not enough, I’m suffering from a crazy heart palpitations due to my indigestion now.
grrrrrr oh noooo…. my assignments are coming to a due soon.
but my Lama told me to be happy. Not all the things I love are making me happy. I love to be skinny but I’m told that I look worse. I love to stick around with my boyfriend but he tells me things I don’t want to hear. I love to sleep but it’s wasting my time. Why am I not loving my life like I used to be?
If I do my assignments, my partner will be saved. If I do my dharma practices, I benefit myself and others. If I clean up my room, my mom will be pleased.
I think this is by far my first closest realization on attachment and self-cherishing thoughts and it is apparent that I have to break away from “ I love…”.
2:27 AM
Friday, March 09, 2012
tired
I have dry eyes- a sure sign of sleep deprivation. but my heart doesn’t want to rest. She is constantly in a panicky mode, thumping hard and fast.
My restless eyes make swift frequent glances and my heart is riding on my hot blood. I am anticipating for an immediate answer.
Why am I feeling so lonely?
I want to do my favourite things with the person I like. Why can’t it be just the two of us? Why can’t it be just the two of us hanging around for chats? Why is there so much work and no fun at all?!
I am very sad because someone I wished most for never understands this.
goodnight 
1:30 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2011
to my special one
hello there ! it’s the crazy time of the year end again! and here I am blogging when I should clearly be doing something else.
School has started and I am occupied with school and many other things (or like what my secondary school teacher used to describe my commitments as a thousand and one things). The difference between now and then would probably be the current intervention of my boyfriend. well the action of intervening usually doesn’t sound too positive esp when it is coming from your romantic partner. but I guess it wasn’t too bad at the moment. though sometimes I really feel that he lives on the other side of the world and that is geographically not wrong too. he always says and advises things that make me feel bad but he always has strong reasons for them. he supports me even when he is still in the midst of discovering more faults of mine. he does shit jobs for me like sketching, calculating, calling people up… when I don’t like to do them. we fight so much such that I cherish and find it so sweet whenever we’re not fighting and are very gentle to each other.
I’ve never revealed to this large extent about myself to anyone before the appearance of this man in this life. Thank you my dear for being who you are…
10:21 PM
Monday, August 29, 2011
I stayed indoors unexpectedly today. But it’s quite nice to spend a quiet afternoon under this soothing weather with some books, my blanket, chips, hot milk and myself.
3:18 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2011
quarrelling
Why view a quarrel as destructive? A quarrel is just a passionate disagreement. I think it can potentially destroy the mutual acceptance between two or more parties but it may not necessarily be the case.
If possible, I’d rather pick more arguments with my parents, than remain unfamiliar with each other’s affairs. Of course, I hope the quality of the arguments can improve over time.
It is always maddening to argue with them. Why maddening? bcos we both feel that the opposite party is being rude. I feel that they are not respecting my right to make personal decisions.Instead of trying to understand my decision-making process, they either tell me not to do it or make hurtful statements which do no help to the decision I’ve made. They feel that I’m being rude because I often argue defensively and say nasty things in return.
I believe a healthy argument should not be like that. We can still be accepting of each other yet remaining in disagreement. but of course the disagreement has to be resolved eventually. And so it is a test of patience again.